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12 May 2009 @ 09:56 pm
10 May 2009 @ 07:54 pm

Bitches piss me off.

Well, some of you might argue and say I'm one myself, but at least I have that bit of conscience, that bit of dignity.
The one that you're lacking.

What the fuck happened to you?! Why're you just like... one of them now. And very soon, you'll just become one of the brainless bimbos everyone has grown to despise so much. Is life only better off when you go around backstabbing other people, even when we haven't done anything wrong?

What politics, tell me. The one that you created, or the one we landed you in. There wasn't any to start with, so obviously, you created it - but why? Something as simple as small talk over ice cream, and you make it sound as though we're ganging up against the world. Please, girl, you should listen to me really bitch about you. I think you'll run home crying.

Even you think so yourself, that doing what you did would make us hate you. And do you know why people hate other people who do this to them? It's because that's a simple fucking concept known as backstabbing, and nobody likes backstabbers. That's why.

I don't really care whether you read this or not, because I've already lost all trust in you. I guess I'm posting this for selfish reasons - just to appease my own anger, right?

And to you, you're just about the greatest letdown.

I can't believe you fucking screwed up this much, even though you'll never see this. The little bit of faith I had built up in you over the past few months was simply crushed and destroyed in one day. I finally thought you grew up, that you've become sensible enough for me to relate to, to talk to. You were someone I could finally be friends with.

But now this, you just had to screw us over, didn't you? So that your list of screw-overs would be complete - you would officially have screwed the lives of every single person you know at least once.
I don't know whether to hate you, or to ignore you. Because both seem pretty easy and difficult to do, all at the same time.

I guess it was a shock, the shock of the week.

I'm unaffected by what you guys said, but I'm more than just irritated at what you guys did. I don't fucking care about people who want to spread rumors about me behind my back, but stooping to that level to hurt someone - it really is despicable.
Please get a reality check, thank you very much.

02 May 2009 @ 12:15 am

I've been pretty weird and emotional this year, it's freaking me out. Read some of my recent entries, and I feel so weird for having posted them. I guess, perhaps, I'm just overly loaded in emotions these few weeks.

My GAPpers never fail to make my (wednes)day! :D A class of 10 - although I hardly know any of them on a personal level, but I love their company all the same. It really feels great, to be surrounded by people who love what they do, even though they've all been doing it for less than 20 weeks. (: We play, we have fun, but in the end, we also get the work done.
hearts all over the world tonight.Collapse )

After talking to Mamagoose this evening, I felt slightly reassured. He still had that trust in our club, to be like what we used to be. He is definitely more confident of us than we are, or at least, than I am. That must say something, for sure, and as long as there's something, I wouldn't mind working towards it, even though it's to a slight expense.

(Heh, just came back from the zoo. A great destress, admittedly. Awaiting zoo pics now!)

15 April 2009 @ 10:49 pm

Homework, tests and stress aside, I'm really happy. (: This is probably one of the happier years of my life, although not the easiest. I think I've grown up a little, be it good or bad, but I'm thankful for maturing. Of course, growing up might mean making bigger mistakes, taking bigger leaps, but I really can't wait for them.

And to top it all of, StudioWu in less than 2 months! <3 Wahahahah, wheeeee. :3
09 April 2009 @ 11:02 pm

PPB reminds me so much of mercury. Of all the work and dedication Potato inspired me to put into that piece, even though I was just a sad assistant. I didn't have to do much, my responsibilities were as much as controlling the music volume, and taking AD notes. But I remember how much more I wanted to do - I came up with a prop list, a scene list, a "Fish Dance" sequence list, a sequence of prop movement on stage list, two cue sheets, and I even drew out the storyboard on my script. (There were even a few drafts...)

I ended up being in charge of checking the state of props, of prepping stage right and stage left, of getting ready the actor's props for them before every rehearsal, of counting and checking fishes, of keeping the props, of being ADA, of making sure Scene One and fishdance were executed in the right order, with the right number of fishes entering and exitting stage right and left, of controlling music and remembering - and yet, I couldn't be any happier.

Just looking at my script now makes me want to laugh at how many things I had to remember just for that one play. I had funny notations I used to remember the sequence of the fish dance, including how many people enter, who they are when they enter, when they exit, and how many fish each time. (: I even wrote down all of the SM cues! I really do miss being ADA.

And at the end of the day, when mercury was over, I couldn't stop flipping through the entire file of documents and memories left behind. As I read every single one, I couldn't stop crying, because those were the fruits of my labour - of our labour. It was the first and last time I worked with sherm, and I miss her so much.

Even though we weren't that close, even though we don't talk anymore, even though we're three years gapped, but she truly was a huge inspiration for me in Sec One, and I want my inspiration back! Thinking about seniors are depressing, why do they have to go and never come back?

Ah, Mercury... (:

The golden years of TCN, in my opinion.

08 April 2009 @ 09:45 pm

I seriously don't fucking care about that fucking gold anymore. Because I'm proud, proud of TCN for having pulled through this.
Sure, we had our slips, but I'm sure everyone would agree when I say that I wouldn't want to have it any other way. It might not have been magical, it might not have been sensational, but it was TCN. I'm proud of each and everyone, for that 20 minutes that we worked 5 months for. For every single time we screwed up during rehearsal, I'm proud of that. Because it was those screw-ups that made us want to improve, want to do our best, so that we don't screw up just this once.

I was afraid, way beyond the normal "fear". I anticipated screwing something up, because I always do. No matter what, regardless of my efforts, something always goes wrong, and I have to beat myself up for it after that. And when I stepped off that stage, I didn't feel anything - not a single remorse, guilt, regret or dissatisfaction. I might not have been perfect, but I was at my peak, and I'm glad I reached it. Though things were shaky - things always have been, I'm glad to have done this with the club.

The club, well, I trust them. I might not have realised it, but I've trusted each and everyone of them all along. To the point whereby, words don't matter. I put the trust in them to do their best, to be aware of themselves more than others are of them. I had higher expecations for them than myself - because we really are good, no matter how much anyone else denies it. I don't even have to bother with anyone else, because I trust they're already at their best. Don't misunderstand that I don't care, obviously I do. But they've reached the standard whereby they don't need it anymore, that they're ready.

Just like watching a child grow up, we have moulded TLP into what it was today. Those 20 minutes on stage was well-spent, because it was the fruits of our nurturing. We planted it, we watered it, we took care of it, and it was finally time to sow the fruits. And I think we did a great job, because the harvest was full this year. Whether or not they sell out to the public, I really couldn't care less, because we enjoyed it, we did a good job, and we don't feel bad for anything. And that's what makes us TCN.

If we had to do this all over again, I wouldn't change a single moment of it.

TCN, I love you!
05 April 2009 @ 09:13 pm

Yanying just shared with me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3qo10PCLb4

I can't believe it, having been listening to such a sad song all this while, and never stopping to appreciate it. Listening to the french lyrics immersing into the english words, oh my gosh, it just leaves me breathless - it's just so beautiful.

It justs hits you, you know, the suffering these innocent little kids go through. While we're devastating over our self-proclaimed horrible lives right now, there are children's lives being threatened by wars, riots, terrorism, and all the evils of the world. And not once have we stopped to see how these children's lives, that were meant to be filled with clouds and sunshine, have been reduced to blood and pain.

I thought that I was rich, with a flower that was unique in all the world; and all I had was a common rose. A common rose, and three volcanoes that came up to my knees - and one of them perhaps extinct forever ... That doesn't make me a very great prince.

Well, I guess we learn something new everyday.

29 March 2009 @ 10:57 pm


Kuro Bara after CCA! :3 It was quite fun, I guess, but it felt awkward. Recognised some people, but didn't bother to say hi.
Fooled around and camwhored with Amanda, after buying her granny smith's.
Went home tired, and got my Holga cam. <3


PP after church, wandered with the kids for an hour or so and bought Cliffnotes for my Macbeth revision.
Intending on going down some time to check out some stuff, and maybe taking a trip down to Borders/Pageone this week.
Attempted incestral yuri in the car, and had yummy Korean for dinner, but it didn't suit my stomach.

28 March 2009 @ 11:18 pm

One more person whom I'm not favourable of stalking my blog. =_=

Will post about KuroBara a little later! :3